Written here is a madness case study which I have put on a page entitled The End. There may be those who lead religions and various sciences who consider all I have written here in this web-site heretical lunacy and deluded madness respectively. There are therefore two reasons for this name:
Firstly because I can summarise some themes of the web-sites here.
Secondly because there seems a finality, at least in this life, for those I have known who have suffered madness in that either they need tablets for the rest of their lives or, so much time is lost of their lives that they lose motivation or their original spark and are content simply to be coping.
If you have absorbed the rest of this site, congratulations and as I have promised some musical recommendations, you might like to listen to the Doors song “The End” because there is a line in that which says “This is the End, my only friend, the end.”. You may be the only person that has read the site entirely. then the song goes on, “Of our elaborate plans, The End”, then, “What have they done to the earth, what have they done to our fair sister... stuck her with knives.... dragged her down.......?”
VOICES IN THE HEAD
Since 1977, when some Danes split my consciousness open at the Rebecca ø Fest outside Copenhagen, I have had occasional voices in my head. Mostly what they induced though was a feeling of guilt without a prosecution case. A sort of “Figure it out” attitude. (I had met an English man in Denmark who said he loved it there because he believed they “...have it sussed...”. It may be me of course that thye have sussed I was later to discover. So I was left wondering what they had done the splitting for.
One of the key figures, the one on my right, in the episode at the Rebecca ø fest within days was saying to me in the flesh “Yes I wanted to go with my mother once but only once” and the other who had been on the left “Oh but I can wait a long time for a fuck”. I have never wanted to have sex with my mother although as my body became painful to live in, (though less now perhaps temporarily I have to say), there were probably times I longed for my youth before the Danes got to me when my body felt comfortable to live in. There is an element of wanting to accuse me of being incestuous in what they did and this may be what they are working toward and are prepared to over decades so that they can maintain there superiority and have it “sussed”. Denmark is a divided nation as their referendum vote on Europe indicates, so how everyone can have it sussed seems difficult to follow as a logical statement. However, as I describe in the page detailing the festival, for a while, before I felt I had to make a decision, the bacon slicer hold on my thinking they had was making me finely balanced. In the end the Danes vote on Europe was about fifty fifty so perhaps their trick is to look divided while actually dividing others.
One of the most persistent voices recently has been my mother at her most nagging best, which you may recall from the page above was a state she reached after I left church and suffered the “woe unto he that leaves my church” which Christ talked about. This nagging voice appears to be my mother becoming the woman I had seen in my nightmare as a child and which also seemed to possess my mother. This may be an arrangement the group of Danes I refer to, (not all by any means), are aware of, that something ruthless will pursue me, with God’s blessing, to torment me with images of my mother such as incestuous ones. The Danes involved in this may be happy with that since it leaves them with someone else being troubled by the problems of the world while they create a perfect state for themselves.
This current nag keeps saying “I am not going...” with the emphasis on the not and “I am not going to take this any longer” was one of the nagging phrases my mother used when she angrily shoved open the door, every evening it seemed for a long period in my teen years, walked into the lounge and served my dad his tea. Interestingly the book “Brick Lane” by Monica Ali is full of images of these kind of relationships where, in this case, Bangladeshi, partners can barely stand each other but live together in case the “community” starts to gossip. Monica makes it clear though that usually the man is a bit egocentric, unaware and ambitious, rather like my own father, whereas the women understand the men but don’t say anything. In some ways I wish my mother had had the sense of the Bangladeshi women as I would not have lost interest in education and society, but then I would guess feminists,(see the page on feminism), whom I have broad sympathy with, would say the Bangladeshi women should not have to suffer men they do not get on with. My own view would be that is fine, but do not extricate yourself from the relationship the way my mother did, by nagging every male in the family. It may be if you do that you become quickly possessed by what ever it is that amuses the Danes, that amused them so much they went to the length of setting me up at the Rebecca ø Fest.
This voice then “I am not going...” or “I am not going to..” stops before going any further, just as Charlie, one of the key Danes at the Rebecca ø Fest, said “Now why don’t we talk.....” after the decision/split event. I have identified this behaviour as typical of Paedophiles trying to hide from the police the whereabouts of some abused child. It is about wanting to have a secret you can hide from others.
Just as an aside and to give hope to the suffering, in the period since the festival, despite voices, I have gained three degrees. A Bachelor of Engineering and a Masters degree in aspects of electronic engineering and a Masters in Quality and Reliability engineering.
To cope with the voice it appears to be necessary, in some people’s view to talk to it. The nag I have probably requires a lot of strategies but inventing strategies can be helpful. For instance, as you may have realised if you have read this site, I equate religious neural linguistic programming with the insanity which tears the world and people apart. So to cope with the nag voice I have expanded it to be the driver to destruction of the natural world which I am an enthusiast for, just as it inspired Darwin who in turn has shown us how we have evolved. Krishna followers believe we are entering the age of Kali so that fits neatly with that. The cryptic work of St John the Divine, sounds like a particularly good wine, includes a statement about the Whore of Babylon, calling her “That trader in souls” and if you imagine that to be driven insane your soul must be captured, or a key part of you that keeps you sane extracted, then it is small step to believe it could be traded, sold as useful tool for being a success in life. This term “Whore of Babylon” has been declared by religious academics, but then what do they know, as a cryptic term for Ancient Rome. It is of course in Jewish tradition, from which Christianity emerged, the place where Jews were enslaved. Modern Americans respect Israel so much they are fighting a war in Iraq, where Babylon stood. Just to digress before the next statement, I have compassion for whores and porn actresses (see the Prostitution page) so don’t wish to imply they are all doing evil at night to our souls. In Denmark, where my voices began, I had a friend, Annette Kristensen, who said if she met a rich man on a plane she would be tempted to sell her body and of course pornography has been openly sold there for years. So to tie all that together, Kali destruction, New Testament soul trading, Koran devil woman releasing too perhaps, the anti-Buddha teachings greed of many people today, the Danes and what they did and the attempt to destroy Darwin’s science by US Christian fundamentalists, then the voice in my head becomes (nag in bold), “I am not allowing any dangerous wild animals. I have here the last wild tiger and after this auction the animal will be skinned for a nice fur coat. Going once.. going twice.. sold to....” and I can invent characters who clearly do not consider the environment or who thrive on exploitation of people, species or habitat destruction to follow the last word “to”, so in my case “George Bush”, “Alan Sugar” or an ex-girlfriend who got too much to cope with when she got too “me.. me... me” about everything. This does not stop the problem of destruction of the planet but helps you by allowing humour, (follow the link for more), that helps you cope with both a situation you do not want to be in and the voices.
I have no idea whether this helps people suffering mental illness because I am not sure if I am only able to be dismissive of voices because of the enlightenment described on the page “Bliss”, but it might be more constructive to try it, than waiting until death on a course of troublesome tablets.
THAT, MY FRIEND, IS THE END.